


I'll Have a Blue Christmas Without You

by BWolf_20



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Both Tony and Steve say hurtful things, Christmas, Christmas Party, Developing Friendship, Gen, Guilt, Hurt Steve Rogers, Injury Recovery, Major Character Injury, Relationship Mending, Tony & Steve Fighting, Tony Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:55:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21741319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BWolf_20/pseuds/BWolf_20
Summary: From the moment Tony met Steve, they’ve fallen into constant bickering. Eventually it reached a point where Tony insists that he should leave the team. Just before Tony can put the man fully out of his mind in order to enjoy his annual Christmas party, he receives word that Steve was critically injured. It doesn’t sit well at all with Tony. When he decides to visit him in the hospital, he’s not sure what to expect.
Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark
Comments: 3
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I love fics dealing with Tony & Steve's troubled relationship as teammates and friends. I tend to be drawn to it whenever such scenes showed up in the movies. I feel like there's not a lot of fics expressing that without going into romance territory. Aside from that, I had always planned to write one or two fics of this nature; particularly one where Steve was hurt bad.

“Well, you can forget about receiving an invite to my yearly Christmas party.”

Tony had said it in a teasing manner, yet the air behind it clearly expressed hostility. With his arms folded, Tony stared back at the captain with barely contained irritation. Of course he never had to hide his irritation with the man. He would often express it proudly, but for once he wanted to try and leave the headquarters of SHILED without the headache like reminder of yet spat with their wonderful, perfect leader. Christmas was coming up soon, and he really wanted to stay in the best spirit for it, but certain people weren’t helping.

“Tony.” Steve sighed and raised his hands to his hips as he gazed back at Tony with sharp eyes. “When I give you an order, I expect you not to do the opposite of what I say. You risked putting yourself in danger.”

Tony pushed that secret desire to punch his perfect teeth in down. It wasn’t worth it getting this stirred up. Once they were done here, the man would be out of his hair, and he’d be free to go to a real place of comfort—Pepper’s arms. 

“That call you gave was out of line,” Tony argued. “I was more than capable of handling the situation. Are you so prehistoric that you forgot that I have Jarvis feeding me information on my surroundings? No one else was in the vicinity. I had to act or those cyborg freaks would’ve sent more running rampant out of that factory.”

“Even if you are capable, you have to remember that we’re supposed to work as a team.”

“Oh yeah?” Tony snapped. “You’re gonna finally start working with the team, instead of being a stick up everyone’s ass?”

“As soon as you learn to listen,” Steve snapped back. “And I’m not the one being a stick, as you so nicely put it.”

“So as usual the problem’s me. Why am I not surprised?” He turned and raised his arms in a dramatic fashion. He was about to hit his breaking point; that familiar breaking point he hit so often with the man. 

“Tony.” 

He could hear how tired the captain sounded, but he was tired too. He was tired of the bickering; tired of having to submit nicely to his father’s great hero without feeling any sense of appreciation. Tony was sure the man didn’t even respect him. Once he had overheard Steve vocalizing disgust upon hearing from an agent about his wild days before the whole Iron man thing. It was a clear sign that Steve didn’t think a whole lot of him. He just wasn’t his father, and because of that, he and Steve were unlikely to ever reach any real common ground. He supposed they were destined to go round and round forever, but he really wasn’t in the mood for this anymore.

“Don’t Tony me cap. You’re just pissed because you can’t admit that I might be right about something for a change.”

“I suppose you’d like to lead the team if you’re so right,” Steve remarked as he took a few steps toward him. Tony’s hand shook, but he refrained from lifting it and turning it into a fist.

“That might not be such a bad idea. I wouldn’t be everyone’s pain in the ass.”

“You’d definitely be my pain in the ass, just like you always are.” His sharp blue eyes became sharper as Steve went fully into pissed off soldier mode. “You know maybe you should rethink what it means to be a part of the Avengers!”

“Maybe you should rethink what it means to live in this time period!” Tony growled with strong aggression and a shaking body. Yes, he might actually punch the man now. “Out of all of us, you’re the one that doesn’t quite fit Rogers. Haven’t you noticed? You want me to be a team member? I am, and I’ll be more of a team member if you’re the one walking.”

Tony forced himself to walk away then before he regretted his next move. All he wanted at the moment was for Steve to disappear. It would’ve been so much easier. 

“Tony! Tony!”

He tuned the man out completely. 

He ignored further contact with the man following the fight. With no current missions to worry about, Tony didn’t have to worry about seeing Rogers for a while. At the moment, his only concern was keeping Pepper wrapped tightly in his arms as they sat on the couch enjoying a holiday movie. 

“Tony?”

“Hmm?”

“You finished sending out the invites for the party right?”

“Sure did. And as usual, people can’t wait to come,” he said in a smug like way that had Pepper rolling her eyes.

“Of course they can’t,” she teased. “The teams’ coming right?”

Tony quirked a brow, not certain why this was a question that popped into her mind. He couldn’t help thinking she was going somewhere specific with it. And by specific, she was really asking if the whole team was coming. It was possible she might have heard about his round of choice words with the captain. 

“Uh yeah, why…why wouldn’t they come,” he stated with a slight air of discomfort etching through.

“Well, it’ll be the first Stark Christmas party they’ll attend, and the first time you guys will have some downtime together without it being Avengers related. I mean outside of Avengers matters, I assumed you all were starting to become friends.”

She gave Tony a questioning look as if to confirm her assumption. Tony gave a shrug. It wasn’t something he thought of much. He definitely got along well with Bruce, and Clint was a fun buddy to have around. Thor was delightful and very intriguing with his stories. Natasha was still a bit of a mystery to him, but they were making progress as she gave more of her trust to them. As for the more infamous member of their little troop, well, it was as cold as the ice he’d been frozen in for so many years.

“Little by little I guess,” he replied.

Pepper gave a nod and leaned back against him.

“So they’re all coming,” Pepper concluded, “including Steve Rogers.”

Tony tensed up and gave a sigh.

“You know don’t you?” he asked in defeat.

“About the fight? Yeah. Normally you’d complain about him to me. I’m surprised you didn’t this time.”

“It’s Christmas time, and this time I want to avoid cluttering my mind with negative thoughts. Puts me in a much better mood, especially with the party coming up. How’s it gonna look if the host is a sour puss the whole time?”

“How’s it gonna look if everyone’s there except Steve?” Pepper countered as she pulled away from him to face him once more. “I know you two don’t get along. Sometimes I’m amazed you two can stand to be in the same room with one another for more than five minutes.”

“That number’s decreasing rapidly,” Tony inputted.

“Still, I think you should try to clear the air. Not doing so will only make it harder for you to work on the team. Your job is hard enough as it is. A party atmosphere might be perfect since it has nothing to do with fighting.”

“If I invite him, it will have something to do with fighting.”

“Tony—”

“Pepper.” He leaned forward and began to massage the bridge of his nose. He could feel a headache trying to start up with all this captain talk. “I don’t want him here alright? This is the one time I can really avoid him, and I don’t want that taken away. I don’t want to end up in another round during my party, because that’s what’ll happen. Besides that the guy’s showed no interest in coming. He didn’t even react when I told him he wouldn’t receive an invitation.”

“Oh Tony,” she muttered with a sigh. “Well, if that’s how you feel. It’s your party.”

“That is how I feel. Now, can we stop with all the red, white, and blue talk? We should be thinking of red and green. You know, Christmas colors.”

Tony leaned back again and pulled her into his arms. For the rest of the evening, it was calm and pleasant. The potential headache never came about once they dropped all discussion of the captain.

The tree loomed over him like a giant and sparkled from the beautiful effect of twinkling white lights. Tony maneuvered around it, admiring the red and gold ornaments the most (an obvious call to his Iron man suit). He turned from the tree and smiled at the silvery garland and icicle lights decorating the living room space. The Malibu mansion was just perfect to show it all off, and there was more than enough space for all the people attending in a few days. 

“How’s it look Jarvis? I think I did okay.”

“Very Christmas like sir.”

“Good, that’s what I was going for.”

He clapped his hands together, feeling more excited about the party now. The way he decked the place was nothing new, except for the red and gold bulbs, but something about this coming party made him feel more spirited than ever. When he thought on it longer, he felt it might have to do with the fact that the team, (at least most of them) were coming. With past parties, he had just been Tony Stark, but now he had the title of Iron man and Avenger to go with it. Along with it, the guest list had increased, and it wasn’t just on account of Clint, Bruce, Thor, and Natasha participating. For all he knew the party would be no different from what they’d been in previous years, yet he couldn’t help feeling that it would be more special this time around. 

Suddenly his cell rang, disrupting his peace of mind. 

“Bet it’s Pepper. She doesn’t trust me to decorate even though I’ve done this so many times already.”

“Yes sir, but this is the first year you haven’t paid anyone to do it for you,” Jarvis pointed out. 

“So funny J,” Tony groaned. When he picked up the phone, he saw that it was Clint. “Hey bird boy, if you’re calling to give me a list of what you want for Christmas, let me remind you that I’m not Santa Clause and my money only covers so much.”

The fact that the man didn’t chuckle, or toss back a quip of his own told Tony something might be up.

“No Tony. I’m calling because…something happened. Something…bad.”

Tony felt the hairs rise on the back of his neck. He swallowed hard and briefly prepared himself before speaking.

“Bad how? Somebody hurt?” His thoughts quickly shifted to Pepper. She was out at the moment and he could see a member of the team catching wind of it, maybe on the news or just by witnessing it.

“Yeah. It’s bad,” Clint said grimly.

“Who?” His grip on the cell was incredibly tight.

“Cap.”

It was the last name he expected to hear. Rogers was a super soldier for crying out loud. On top of that, he had super healing. For Clint to call, and sounding worried on top of that, it had to be quite serious. But Tony just wasn’t on the same stress level as the other man.

“Rogers? Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“How. What happened?” he asked with an air of suspicion.

“He was shot. Some bastard had it out for him because they used specially powered ammo to deal some deadly damage to his enhanced body. It’s…it’s not good Tony. Not good at all. He…he almost bled to death. The doctors aren’t sure if he’ll—”

“Stop,” Tony said firmly, unwilling to hear more about just how bad it was. His heart was already beating a little too fast for comfort, and for a man he felt no real connection to.

Surely Clint was over exaggerating. Now so far no one had been seriously injured on the team. The few minor scrapes or broken bones someone suffered did elicit concern from others, but not on the level Clint was expressing it, which meant that it really might be as bad as he’d said. Still, Tony didn’t want to believe it. The guy was a perfect powerhouse. Nothing ever happened to him. Nothing ever happened, especially after Tony had told him he should walk from the…team.

He shook his head and quickly pushed the memory of the fight behind. It was only a coincidence that something had happened to cap after he’d said that. Yeah he might have had some negative thoughts about him, but that didn’t mean he wanted them to come true.

“No, it’s not my fault,” he muttered harshly to himself.

“What?”

“Nothing. Uh…thanks for, telling me.”

“Everyone else is here. Cap’s still in surgery. We’re hoping they’ll let us see him.”

Tony felt himself tensing up, both from guilt and fear of what he’d just heard. He still couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea that their pain in the ass leader was possibly lying at death’s door. He supposed it was possible he’d stopped viewing Steve as a real person. He just seemed to be some inhuman creation that his father worked with and was proud of seeing in action. The fact that he was also a man underneath was not even in the ballpark anymore in his head. 

But that was just the thing. He had become more than a man after the serum, therefore he was stronger than the average man. He wouldn’t let some bullets best him no matter how powerful they were. He was going to be fine. Steve wasn’t departing from the team this way. Clint was overreacting.

“He’ll be fine Clint. This is cap we’re talking about,” Tony reassured him, feeling quite confident in this idea. 

“I hope so,” Clint said, with a note of doubt in his voice. “Look, I know you two weren’t ever close buds, but, will you come down to see him?”

Tony tensed up once more and felt he was in the same situation he’d been in when Pepper cornered him about inviting the man to his party.

“Y-yeah. I just, can’t right now. Work. Can’t be avoided. But let them know I’m there in spirit.”

Clint was silent for a beat.

“Yeah. I’ll let them know,” came his clipped tone before he hung up.

Slowly Tony lowered the phone and stared at it. The conversation he’d just had didn’t seem like it had actually happened. Only the continued fast beats of his heart assured him that it had.

“He’ll be alright,” he informed himself. God how he wanted to rid himself of the doubt and worry that was starting to rise within him. “It can’t be as bad as he says.”

“Sir, would you like to schedule a visit to see Captain Rogers?” Jarvis asked kindly.

“No,” Tony said with a shake of the head. “The others are there. Besides, he wouldn’t want to see me anyways.”

He turned back to the tree, determined to return to the peace he’d had before the call. It proved difficult as his eyes wandered to the cell every now and then, and the guilt continued to mount.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the song's titled "Blue Christmas", but I liked the idea of titling it after the first lyrics. The song is more romantic, but there's no romance at all between Tony and Steve here. I wanted the story titled after a Christmas song, and the thought of the first line of the song felt fitting and stuck ;)


	2. Chapter 2

The song ‘Rockin’ Around the Christmas tree’ played nicely in the background and set the tone for the pleasantness of a holiday party as guests mingled, joked, and drank in Tony’s home. Just from looking at the scene, no one would think anything was amiss or that anything bad had happened before then. The only time an outsider would suspect is if they happened to catch Tony at a time when he wasn’t interacting with anyone; when he wasn’t putting on a cheery expression.

Despite the uncomfortable weight in his gut, Tony flashed a smile and greeted his guests happily as he roamed about with a glass of wine in hand. Nothing was wrong here. Everyone was having a good time, and it was his job to keep it that way.

Whenever he caught sight of Thor, Bruce, or Natasha across the room, his smile threatened to fall with the reminder of the absent member. Thor for the most part, seemed genuinely happy to enjoy himself. When it came to Bruce and Natasha, Tony could tell their minds weren’t fully on kicking back and partying. It was the thing that added to the guilt. With Steve hurt, it seemed to have been a sign to call off the party.   
Pepper had voiced it as well, believing it wouldn’t feel right, especially to the other Avengers. He couldn’t have expected them to have a good time, even if Thor appeared to be so far; although Tony did notice him tossing back more cups of his special drink than usual. 

He tensed as a hand dropped on his shoulder suddenly. When Rhodey leaned over him, he relaxed.

“You’re thinking you should’ve canceled the party afterall, aren’t you,” he accused.

Tony turned away from the team he’d been watching to face his best bud with a full smile.

“Not really. A party is what people need to de-stress. It’s not healthy to stay, worried for long periods of time.”

“But you’re not de-stressing.”

“How can you tell?” For better measure, Tony turned away from him to keep him from fully examining his face. 

“Come on Tones, this is me you’re talking to. I can feel that you’re not fully present. On top of that, I’ve noticed the sad looks you keep giving your teammates.” 

Tony set his empty glass down as he slumped into the nearest chair.

“Pepper thinks I shouldn’t have had it. Maybe I offended those three, and they just don’t want to tell me. In case you didn’t notice, Clint didn’t make it.”

Rhodey squeezed his shoulder and settled down next to him.

“It’s understandable. What happened to Steve was horrible. But, I think if they were really offended by the party, they wouldn’t have come. They needed a break from worrying about cap too. Do you even know how he’s doing now?”

Tony shifted with a noticeable nervous twitch. Afterwards he was flooded with bad feelings. In the week following the news, he had failed to carry himself up to the hospital to see the captain in person. The few times he thought about it, he quickly wracked his brain for an excuse not to go. Clint had called again, asking when he’d come down, and Tony had given the same tired answer of being too busy. He could see it being one of the reasons the man failed to show up to the party; he clearly didn’t want anything to do with him at the moment.

“I…shit…I don’t actually.” He bowed his head and shut his eyes as he thumped the empty glass against his forehead. “I can’t seem to do it. I hate hospitals.”

“And you hate Steve Rogers,” Rhodey said quietly before taking a sip.

Tony glared and made to argue, but he couldn’t manage to speak against the accusation; not when he heard it as truth rather than a theory.

“I’ve been, trying to see what they’ve said about his condition on the news,” he replied lamely. “Unfortunately they aren’t letting the public know how bad he is. Either they don’t want people to worry about America’s soldier, or they don’t want to give the attacker any information, or satisfaction.”

“Well, regardless, I think you should try and…”

He tapered off as Bruce wandered over. 

“Hey buddy. I hope you’re enjoying this expensive party I’m throwing,” Tony joked, causing a smile to rise on Bruce’s face.

“Yeah it’s great, but I’m gonna be heading out now.”

“What? No. You can’t miss the gift exchange.”

“Parties have never really been my thing,” Bruce said sheepishly as he awkwardly scratched the back of his head. 

“Yet you’ve stayed a whole two hours,” Tony pointed out.

Bruce ducked his head and shrugged.

“I didn’t want to not show up after you invited me.”

“Clint was invited and he didn’t show up.”

“Clint’s sitting at Steve’s bedside,” came the grim response. He averted his eyes as clear sadness welled within them. Tony did the same, dropping his focus to the floor as an intense wave of something undetectable rolled over him.

“Oh.” There was nothing else he could say. “Well, if you really need to go, I won’t stop you.”

“I’d stay longer Tony, but, well, the big guy’s a little agitated. And, I do want to give Clint a break by sitting with Steve for a bit.”

“Yeah.” Tony couldn’t meet Bruce’s eyes. He felt so ashamed. 

“Give Clint my best,” Rhodey piped up as he patted his shoulder. “And tell him not to worry so much. I know Steve is gonna pull through.”

“He has to. We need him,” Bruce insisted. He turned to Tony, acting as if he wanted to say more, but he deflated. “Well, see you later Tony. Enjoy your, party.”

Tony nodded and made to drink from his glass so as to occupy himself with something. It was then he remembered it was empty. Once Bruce departed, Tony jumped from his seat and locked onto the bartender for the night. The weight in his gut was worsening, and he needed something to wash it away. He couldn’t see himself making it through the rest of the party otherwise.

“Tony, I don’t think another nip is what you need right now,” Rhodey warned.

“I need something Rhodey,” he growled as he dropped his hand across his stomach. “What’s a party without a few drinks?”

“Tony,” Rhodey said with a huff of understanding. “You’re smart enough to know that’s not what’s missing from this party. And I think you know what you have to do to push those uncomfortable feelings away.”

Tony sighed and gripped his glass tightly. He knew what he was driving at, and he didn’t like the idea at all. 

“Yeah, I need to liven up this party with a demonstration in one of my suits. That’ll liven things up even more.”  
He pulled away from Rhodey roughly and stumbled toward the direction of his lab.

Like a skittish mouse, Tony padded up to the white door. With much hesitation he reached out for the knob, then quickly jerked his hand back and turned from the door completely. 

“Come on, come on, how are you afraid of a little room,” he scolded himself in a low voice. It was of course, more than a little room. The cap was inside and he had to see him.

The others had already visited, and he was already quite late in doing the same. He couldn’t back away now. He faced the door again and ran his sweaty palms down his pants as he stared it down.

“I can do this. I’m Iron man for Christ’s sake. There’s no reason to be afraid of Rogers. I face him all the time.” 

When his hand fell on the knob, he reminded himself that it had never been good when he faced the man. This time, it was a whole different level of bad he would have to face, and he wasn’t ready for it. But, he had to do it. It was only right. He mentally told himself he would only stay for five minutes at the most before bouncing. It was really as Clint had said; they weren’t best buds, which meant there was a strong chance Rogers would be irritated by his presence. Tony himself was reminded of the irritation he normally felt for the captain in return, yet today it wasn’t there. There was that horrible weight of guilt which was only getting heavier the longer he stayed outside. So with a hard swallow, he slowly turned the knob and tried to prepare himself as he stepped inside.

Right away he tensed up from the anticipation of just hearing cap’s voice. It never sounded off as he appeared to be sleeping. At least he hoped it was that and not a coma. To be honest, he hadn’t paid much attention to what the nurse had said when she directed him to the room. He took a few steps closer, eyes glued to the figure on the bed.

He was tubed and wired up the way he expected him to be. It was the typical image that came to mind whenever someone was in a hospital, and yet the sight of Steve lying there with tubes coming out of his arms sent a tremor of discomfort rolling through him. It was so wrong on the man, but what was perhaps even more wrong was how pale and frail he looked under the thick wraps of bandages. Much of his chest was bandaged where the shots from his attacker was clearly fired, and the skin peeking through was discolored in a very sickeningly bluish way. 

If he hadn’t known he was a super soldier, he might have taken him for a regular man as his body created the impression that some of the super serum had seeped out of him. Under the breathing mask, the cap’s face was badly bruised; a sign that his attacker had gone the extra mile of beating him, most likely after he’d shot him. He couldn’t imagine just how bad it was when he first arrived. Now he understood why Clint had feared for his life. There was definite progress to his health, but the man still looked far from being in perfect health. Still, he wasn’t sure he’d claim him to be at death’s door, then again, he knew people could always take a turn for the worst when stuck in a hospital.

Tony exhaled sharply, feeling as though he’d been holding his breath for an impossibly long amount of time. 

“Hey. I bet you didn’t expect to see me. You know, Clint was the first to tell me about what happened.” He reached for the chair behind him and pulled it up to the bed. “He was really worried too. I was…well, maybe not as worried as he was. I mean you’re Captain America. Of course you’re going to pull through. No need to, waste all the tears.”

He found himself waiting for a response. As he stared into Steve’s face, his stomach lurched as he thought about what he had just said. He dropped into the chair with a heavy sigh and squeezed the bridge of his nose. 

“That didn’t, come out right. I’m not really good at this, especially in hosptials. I didn’t mean to suggest that people shouldn’t waste concern on you. It’s like I said. You’re a tough as nails super soldier. I wouldn’t have thought anything could hurt you this badly, the way it could hurt the rest of us. I’d say the same for the Hulk. From the bastards we had to deal with so far, their guns weren’t any match for the big guy.” He dropped his head and folded his arms as he recalled Clint’s brief explanation of the incident. He lifted his eyes to his chest as he imagined it getting riddled with super powered bullets. He could picture Steve’s pained face easily as blood flew into the air like fireworks. “I guess this is a dark reminder that we really are all on the same footing. You’re not as invulnerable as I thought. You’re still, human, like me.”

He looked to his face again, wanting to see a reaction and get a response, but the man was just as motionless as he was when he first entered. He dropped his eyes again and twisted in his seat as the hard emotions rose and choked him.

“Jesus cap. I know we never got along, but, I’m sorry this happened to you. You’re a member of the team and you don’t deserve to be lying in here like this. You have to get better. If you don’t…I…”

Tony trailed off as Steve suddenly began coughing. Steve lifted a pale hand to move the mask aside just as Tony got to his feet. Mentally he told himself this was his cue to leave. He could take visiting the man while unconscious, but he doubted it would work out now that he was awake. Steve would be ready to yell at him, or simply order him out of the room. 

He backed away slowly, yet quickly because he was certain he would need to grab a nurse. As soon as he turned to face the door, Steve’s quieted.

“Tony?”

The man jumped from not only the call of his name, but from how weak his voice sounded. There was some of his old Captain America strength behind it, but it had come out quiet. 

Tony slowly revolved on the spot to face those baby blue eyes.

“Oh, you’re awake,” he said nonchalantly. Steve blinked at him in a way to better clear his eyes to see. Tony noted that the man looked just as worn awake as he did unconscious, but for the most part he looked confused, perhaps by his presence. “Well, I should let you rest. I’ll go.”

“No wait…( _cough, cough_ )…don’t go.”

“Should I, get a nurse?” Tony asked uncertainly.

“No, no I’ll be okay.” He reached for a controller on the bed and lifted himself up. Afterwards he reached for a glass of water on the table nearby. 

Tony stood awkwardly on the spot, feeling very much like an intruder rather than a visitor. He was having a tough time looking at the captain.

“I’m sorry,” Tony apologized.

“For what?” Steve was frowning at him, looking more confused than ever.

“Well, for coming to see you. I knew you wouldn’t want to see me, but the others insisted that I stop by.”

Steve cocked his head, and Tony got the impression that he was being observed closely. He gestured to the chair he’d been occupying. 

“Sit.”

Tony wavered on the spot before following the order. 

“Are you, in much pain?” Tony asked, believing he needed to start a conversation themed around Steve’s circumstances.

“It’s not too bad. The meds can only do so much.” A light smile played across his face, then it became solemn. “Why would you be sorry for coming? I’m happy to get visitors.”

“After the way we left off things, I was thinking you’d be happy not to see me,” Tony replied with a shrug. “To be fair, I wasn’t sure I could face you. After what I said. When I said you should walk from the team, I didn’t mean like this. I never wanted this! I’m sorry.”

The last of his words came out in a rush once the guilt finally consumed him. With a patient smile, Steve raised his hand in something of a calming gesture.

“Tony, don’t talk like this is your fault. Even the best of friends bicker from time to time.”

“But, we haven’t been acting like best friends,” Tony said with a tone of shame. 

Steve mirrored the same expression as they both looked away from each other. 

“True,” Steve said after a beat. “But, I hope we get there someday. Tony, I’m sorry too, for the things I said. You were right. I wasn’t giving you enough of a chance. As a captain, I should’ve listened to my team more. I guess I took you guys for becoming trained soldiers. You reminded me once that you weren’t soldiers. Guess I dismissed that after a while.”

“Don’t beat yourself up cap. I made the same mistake about you.” Steve gave him a look, showing that he didn’t expect such words. “You weren’t really a man in my eyes anymore. I came to see you as something designed to stop any force and hand out orders. It’s like I didn’t view you as one of us, but you are Steve.”

“Thanks Tony,” he said with a shy kind of smile that Tony couldn’t help find charming as well as humorous. “You’re one of us too. We’d be lost without your intelligence and skills.”

“Ah, cap, don’t get mushy on me. I don’t think your body could take it.”

Steve laughed in response then settled back against his pillows. Tony too felt more relaxed as he stretched back into his seat.

“So, did you have your party?”

Tony twitched uncomfortably as he remembered not sending the man an invite, and not wanting him.

“Uh, yeah, I did.” He cleared his throat a few times before continuing. “But it was definitely missing your spangly ass. I realized that pretty quickly since I could hardly enjoy myself.”

“You hate me,” Steve supplied simply. “I got why you didn’t want me there.”

It wasn’t quite something he could deny. He had hated the man whenever they traded strong words at one another. Afterwards, the hate usually dimmed down to dislike. His attack certainly changed things. When he looked at him now, he felt nothing remotely close to hate.

“Hate is a strong word, but, I can’t lie and say I haven’t felt that way about you in the past. Maybe if we got to know each other more, our emotions might not get so out of hand.” 

“Guess we have a few things to work on when I get out of here,” Steve agreed. “I’ll try and ease up. Be more understanding like I should’ve been.”

“Yeah. Well, it wouldn’t hurt me to follow your orders every now and then. I mean you are the leader of the team. I don’t want that to change.”

“What are you saying Tony?”

“I’m saying it’ll be just like my party. It was a blue Christmas party without you, and I can honestly say the team wouldn’t be the same without the old red, white, and blue.”

Steve smiled in thanks and Tony couldn’t help feeling they were off to a better start in their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this inspires more fics of this nature of Tony and Steve dealing with their troubling relationship. Glad you enjoyed. Have a Happy Holidays :)


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